Monday, Mar. 26, 2007 - Fear

There comes a time when you know what the painting needs but you are afraid of finishing it because you think you will ruin it. That's where I am right now with Cassie. The fear of ruining the painting - ending badly - keeps me from putting paint to paper on this one. It sits and mocks me, telling me, "You know I'm not finished. You know I need more work." And yet I seem unable to go back to it.

So what do you do when the fear takes over? And how long before you regain your courage and go back to work on something that needs more work. Perhaps this is what sorts out the wheat from the chaff. Cowards (chaff) are lost by the wayside because they can't finish properly. The brave (wheat) strive on, even if it means "ruining" something that has taken hold of you. And for goodness sakes, why should a piece of paper with paintbrush strokes on it take hold of you?

I thought maybe I need to get in touch with something personal - more heartfelt - in order to break through the fear. So I took out a photo I've had around for a few months of a friend who is no longer with us. I know he's painting somewhere...

I did a quick sketch to warm up and then another - this one looks more like him so I'll share it. Then I traced out the photo onto tracing paper and then traced that onto wc paper. How do I want to paint this? How would he paint it? How to show his essence that goes beyond the photo?

And again, I'm stuck. Well, shoot! So I went outside and took a photo of my mailbox - because we've been talking about painting our mailboxes at the SWAP group,

to show how our paintings are delivered. So is this inspiring? No. It's an overcast day so no great light and dark areas - I could create them...

Where does one go from here and why does it seem like such a struggle at times?

More to come later...I hope!