Saturday, October 1, 2011

HONESTLY

Honestly, I've been so low
that up
looks like down to me! 
I am blaming my tendency to negativism that arises at times; plus the chronic pain issue that is not resolved; plus new issues from new meds - what fun!

I am discouraged with the medical profession - each specialist takes on one part of you and no one takes on the whole you so no one keeps track of all the medications that are interacting and causing problems.  So, basically, you are Alice, down the rabbit hole:
One pill makes you bigger
and
One pill makes you small
and the pills that mother gives you
don't do anything at all.

It's enough to do in your head without the help of the Mad Hatter or the Dormouse.


I have a sign on my art room door that sums it all up:

I'm lost.
I went out to find myself.
If I return before I get back,
Please ask me to wait right here.




I will find myself again...I have to believe that.  

20 comments:

Watercolors by Susan Roper said...

I love the art room door quotation, it certainly fits with a lot of us! I am sorry, though, to hear you are still fighting this medical stuff. Trust me, I have been there and done that and lived to tell the tale! Hang in there girl, I'll be pulling for you.

Gaylynn said...

Rhonda, I am so sorry that you are stuck in the Mad Hatter's lair. These gloomy days do not help I am sure. Just know that while the docs are failing medically, your art community, family and friends are here to hold your hand. Just ask.

Carol Blackburn said...

Sorry to hear you are having difficulties, Rhonda. All your specialists should be sending their med list to your primary MD and he/she is supposed to monitor your prescription drug use. It's sort of, the law! There is an ill wind blowing my way too so you are in good company (at least I think so). I'll be thinking of you.

hw (hallie) farber said...

Hang in there, Rhonda. I hope you find "up" soon. You will find yourself--probably when you're not looking.

Ginny Stiles said...

Oh Rhonda...so sorry to hear about having pain. That is such a downer. It affects everything! I suppose it does 't help to know that most folks have been there too. No one really wants to hear that. I am so glad you can be open about sharing this and that you still have a sense of humor!
We all want you back heathy!

Cindi said...

love your sign rhonda.. sorry to hear you are feeling bum..i honestly hope the docs can get it together.. so you can look down and its a looooooooong way away...(((())))

Gary L. Everest said...

Hi Rhonda,
Well, well...what have we here? Nice doctor's line to start out with, eh.
Rhonda, I'll only offer what works for me. Take it for what it's worth.
You are now at a point where, I believe, you're ready to take charge of your health. Since I don't have your medical record in front of me, my suggestions may be way out of line, so forgive me, in advance.
Exercise. Work until you're soaked with sweat. That may only take five minutes now, but in a few weeks, as your stamina and strength improve, you'll be amazed at how long you go.
Find those exercises you can do, but challenge yourself. Mall walking may be fine for someone in their seventies, but we're not there yet. We need actual hard work for our bodies and, just as important, for our minds.
My guess is you will be off all meds--maybe even the migraine medicine, too--within two months.
Sadly, the more meds you take, the harder it is to get off them.
Okay, that's it. For what it's worth. An hour a day--more if you're feeling great about it.
I'll shut-up now and end this by saying how much I hope you feel better soon.
Sincerely,
Gary.

Caroline said...

My thoughts are with you Rhonda. Your blog is always like a ray of sunshine with your lovely watercolours and words. I wonder how those wee tree frogs are doing! I hope you feel better soon.

Ann Buckner said...

(((((Rhonda)))))

conservativelybohemian said...

Aw, Rhonda. I am so sorry you are dealing with pain issues. I don't know what the specific diagnosis is/has been but I have fibromyalgia and so I know how it is. I am hurting all of the time and take no meds for it at all. They had me on an antidepressant and a muscle relaxer. Huh? Did nothing and when I didn't want to up my dosage and quit the meds all together (the side effects are worse than the constant pain to my mind), the rheumatologist said he would no longer treat me. Ok then.

At any rate, I hope you feel better soon. I have a tendency towards negativism myself (thanks Mom! LOL)...we must rise above it. If we can. Feel better!

RH Carpenter said...

Thanks, everyone, for the support and the good advice, too :) I, too, believe in less medication makes for a happy Rhonda - and keep moving. Hard to do when you're having or are just getting over having a migraine but maybe I should soldier through and try it Gary's way for a while. I used to be pretty active and now I feel like a lump that is expanding!! And I'm so angry with the docs that my old kickbag and boxing gloves may come in handy! ha ha

And we're all in this together, pain or pleasure - thanks for that!

Chris Beck said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your medical troubles, Rhonda -- a big hug is headed your way!!

I'd been struggling with knee problems in the spring and was advised to take a lot of over-the-counter anti-inflammatory meds. Ended up stopping after they messed up my stomach and discovered that they had been making my knee problems worse!! Sometimes you really can't tell which way is up -- and it isn't your fault at all!!!

Love, love, love the studio sign!!

jgr said...

Hi Rhonda,
As everyone else has said, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I'll be sending you healing thoughts and hope you'll be up and around soon and able to go off some (or all) of your meds. Your sign made me laugh, too.

RH Carpenter said...

Thanks, Chris and Jane - I'll take all those good, healing wishes coming my way.

Pam Johnson Brickell said...

Hey, I'm gone for a few days and I'm sorry to find you in disrepair! As Cher said in Moon Struck....Snap out of it! Ha! It's a wonder we didn't bump into each other on the 'trail' :)

I'm with Gary in mind... I'm trying the more active approach..... thinking about it anyway. Know too well about the hard to move and expanding issues.

Sending happy, healthy and energetic thoughts your way.

RH Carpenter said...

Pam, it's the same old same old - with the emphasis on the world OLD!! ha ha I took Gary's advice and worked this old body until I thought I was going to fall down and that was just 1/2 hour of modified kickboxing so maybe I can build up a little at a time. I do enjoy kicking and punching things! ha ha I loved that scene where Cher smacked him and told him to snap out of it, too :)

Jane said...

Luckily you didn't loose your humor! Wish you all the best.

RH Carpenter said...

Thanks, Jane. I'm trying to keep laughing at the whole thing - what else can you do? I'm sure the Italians have the perfect saying for it!

Irina said...

I am so sorry. I hope the pain will go away and the sun will be back into your life.

RH Carpenter said...

Thanks, Irina. If I can ever make it to more than 1 week without a migraine, I think I'll be feeling better about everything.